MANTHAN (मंथन)

Daaji defines Tolerance as the ability or willingness to allow the existence of ideas, opinions, practices and behaviors that differ from or conflict with our own. e.g. putting up people and things that we perceive as wrong or unsuitable. So, tolerance is an internal adjustment that makes us less reactive, allowing us a moment to adapt to situations in which we may not be very comfortable.

Tolerance has been described as a divine virtue in many religions. In Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna says

मात्रास्पर्शास्तु कौन्तेय शीतोष्णसुखदु:खदा: ।
आगमापायिनोऽनित्यास्तांस्तितिक्षस्व भारत ॥ २.१४ ॥
[The contacts of the senses with the objects, O son of Kunti, cause heat and cold, pleasure and pain. They have a beginning and an end i.e. they are not permanent; so tolerate/endure them, O Arjuna.]

But tolerance can be a burden when the people start taking advantage of your ability to accommodate them. And then it becomes a paradox – how much tolerance is correct ?

If you have an abusive boss, the work atmosphere is always very stressful. If there are certain dependencies on the steady income, then out of such compulsions you may tolerate such behavior. But you would always be on the look out for opportunities to get out of such unhealthy work environment. Similarly, someone may be tolerant to a toxic relationships with a partner involving physical violence or mental harassment just to ensure that the children don’t suffer. But what is the limit to such tolerance ?

Seen this way, tolerance can be a virtue and a vice, too.

So Daaji calls tolerance as a bit like a ticking time bomb. We can only take so much before we explode.

It is a Virtue when it increases our inner strength and courage. Tolerance is also crucial for social harmony, peace and justice in a society.  It serves as an internal buffer, increasing our resilience and reducing our vulnerability.

He gives many examples of world leaders who used tolerance as a weapon to bring about a social change. Mahatma Gandhi led the Indian Independence movement to end the Colonial rule. The Civil Rights movement in the United States of America also prompted enormous change for the improvement of the lives of African Americans and women in the workplace. So, Daaji says – when tolerance reaches its limits, a positive and necessary change is forthcoming.

We need to maintain focus, stay true to our values and act with tolerance, he says – while tolerance often requires patience and adaptations, acceptance requires only love and a non-judgemental attitude. Acceptance allows our relationships to be flexible and focused on growth. However, Acceptance is not passively waiting for miracles to happen. Instead it provides a foundation for initiating change.

We can tolerate without accepting, but we cannot accept without tolerating.

Love is the bedrock of non-jugdmental and cheerful acceptance. So let us cheerfully accept rather than merely tolerating, says Daaji. Kindness and compassion are the two qualities that arise out of acceptance. Tolerance falls short of this caring. Without wholeheartedly accepting our current circumstances, change cannot take place.